Faith fatigue: when faith becomes routine

I’ve been dreading to write about my faith for a while now. Perhaps I was scared that typing it out would make it all so real. I’m tired of my faith. Not in the sense of wanting to denounce it, but rather feeling like there isn’t much more to learn and a lot of things seem repetitive.

I started my “serious” Christian journey in 2011. Life was in shambles (almost didn’t pass the first year of university) and I knew that faith would give me stability. One day I prayed and asked God for something specific. Then one Sunday, not too long after, a guest preacher came to my church and called me to the pulpit. He prayed for me and repeated the exact words I had said to God in my prayer. It was in that moment that I (1) felt my faith grow stronger and (2) wanted to know more about the religion I’d claimed my whole life. But I wanted more than religion, more than just the rules. I wanted that personal relationship with God.

And so it began. I bought myself a study Bible and practically read all of the New Testament. I enjoyed studying the Word and seeing great things happen in my life. Around that time, I came across an online teacher, a young lady who started her Christian journey and made it look so cool to be a young Christian woman in today’s world. I guess this was the beginning of my encounter with these online teachers/preachers. It was fun and inspiring and they definitely helped me in my journey.

Fast-forward to 2020 when the pandemic hit. Church became an online event and I decided to do a little extra on the side by listening to sermons of other preachers. I learned and I enjoyed. Then 2021 rolled around. I had just quit my job and had all the time in the world to work on my faith. But did I use this opportunity? Nope. Of all the years that I had been serious with my faith, 2021 was the year I had the most time, but studied the Bible the least. I also saw more online preachers doing questionable things and it just discouraged me from watching any online sermon. Also, having spent over 80% as part of my sabbatical, I felt very relaxed and at peace in a way. I felt like life was stable and I didn’t have much to ask for. Funny how in 2012 I came to God for stability, and then in 2021 I had the so-called stability and no longer put in the effort. Going to church felt like a routine, prayer became exhausting and reading the Bible was only to not lose my streak in the Bible app. My faith was no longer intentional, but rather routine.

For some strange reason I also thought I knew all there is to know about the Bible. A very silly thought. I had read the Bible from cover to cover twice with a Bible reading plan and every ‘verse of the day’ I’d see in the Bible app was one I already knew. So I got bored. It later dawned on me that in fact, I had only read the Bible cover to cover, but I hadn’t studied it the same way. This realization came to me when I saw my mother doing her Bible study one day. This is a woman who knows almost all of the Bible and can recite almost any Bible verse you throw at her. And here she was, still studying daily. I had no right to think I knew it all and that there was nothing more to learn.

I am sharing this because it’s been bothering me and at some point I felt like I wasn’t supposed to feel this way. Not as a believer, not as a youth leader, not as a co-founder of a Christian foundation. But the reality is that I do feel this way and I would like to change that. I haven’t made much effort to work on my faith, but I do have amazing family and friends who (knowingly and unknowingly) are helping me get back on track. Thanks guys!

God willing, I’ll be back and better.

Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith. For the joy that lay before him, he endured the cross, despising the shame,and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God

Hebrews 12:1b-2 (CSB)